Chief Happiness Enforcement Officer

Bring your authentic self. Leave your boundaries at the door. Smile for the camera.

Remote-ishRemote, with mandatory on-site joyHuman Flourishing (Compliance)Absurdity 4/5

Happiness at Synergon is not a feeling. It is a measurable Key Performance Indicator, a shared responsibility, and a legally distinct liability. You will design programs that ensure every employee is thriving, engaged, and unable to articulate why not.

What you’ll do

Responsibilities

Increase the quarterly Happiness Index by 14 points without spending money.
Respond to all employee concerns with a branded emoji within 30 seconds.
Organize mandatory optional fun.
Escalate unhappiness to the appropriate stakeholder, immediately, and then never speak of it.

What we need

Requirements

5+ years in employee experience, event planning, or hostage negotiation.
Certified in at least one method of forced optimism.
Able to define 'psychological safety' without using the word 'safety'.
Experience enforcing happiness across time zones and labor laws.

What you get

Access to an on-site wellness room (booked until 2031).
Annual 'Bring Your Whole Self to Work' bag.
One (1) complimentary pizza slice per quarter.
The opportunity to make a real difference, mostly to our engagement metrics.

Red flags

The Happiness Index is calculated by the CEO's assistant.
There is an open investigation into a team-building exercise.
We are not legally allowed to call it a cult.

These are also available in the job description.

Adjacent mistakes.

All roles ↗

Synergon Systems

Leadership (Entry Level)

Junior Senior Executive

An entry-level executive opportunity for someone already done with being junior.

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185k–220k FCU

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Synergon Systems

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Work-Life Balance Elimination Consultant

Help our people achieve the ultimate work-life integration: work, all the time.

RemoteAnywhere